The Proverbs 31 Woman: Gifts vs. Qualities We Can All Cultivate

When reading about the Proverbs 31 woman, it’s easy to think she’s “too perfect” or that she possesses gifts far beyond what God has given us. It’s tempting to dismiss her example with thoughts like, “Those are her gifts, and I don’t have them,” or, “No one can really be like that.” But these are excuses to avoid striving for growth.

Some sources encourage us not to feel overwhelmed by her high achievements, but I believe, just as we strive to model Jesus, we should also reflect on where we fall short in living up to the ideal woman portrayed in the Bible. To dismiss her example is akin to saying, “No one can be as perfect as Jesus, so why even try?”—ignoring His teachings, character traits, and example entirely.

We are meant to read Proverbs 31 and feel a sense of challenge, humility, and inspiration. This is the moment to take a good look at ourselves and ask: How can we grow in faith, dignity, courage, strength, skills, respect, and love?

But the question remains: Are these traits innate gifts that only a few are born with, or are they qualities that anyone can develop?

Let’s break it down.

What Are Her Special Gifts?

When reflecting on what makes this woman “virtuous,” it's clear that some of her traits are innate gifts—things that come more naturally to her. These are qualities she was likely born with or developed as a result of her unique relationship with God and her temperament. These gifts give her a sense of inner strength and confidence:

Fear of the Lord (Proverbs 31:30): Her reverence for God isn’t something everyone can just pick up—it’s an innate gift of faith. It’s the foundation of her wisdom and actions, a relationship with God that many of us strive to cultivate but is, in a way, a gift.

Strength and Dignity (Proverbs 31:25): Her inner resilience, grace, and ability to face challenges with dignity are qualities that some people seem to naturally possess. It’s not just physical strength, but an emotional and spiritual strength that comes with maturity and faith.

What Are Not Gifts?

Now, let’s talk about the qualities that aren’t inherent gifts. These are the things that can be learned and developed through effort and discipline. The Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t born knowing how to make goods, manage a household, or run a business—these were skills she honed over time.

Here’s a list of qualities from Proverbs 31 that anyone can work toward, no matter where they start:

Making Things with Her Hands (Proverbs 31:13): This highlights using God-given abilities to create with purpose. Any skill—whether practical or creative—requires effort, consistency, and discipline. The focus is on channeling creativity into meaningful actions that honor God and serve others.

Crafting and Selling Goods (Proverbs 31:24): Entrepreneurship and financial acumen are skills that can be learned. It might take time to build, but with wisdom, guidance, and effort, these abilities can be cultivated.

Wisdom in Managing the Household (Proverbs 31:15): Managing a household takes time, practice, and learning to balance responsibilities. It’s a skill that can be developed through experience and intentional focus.

Business Acumen (Proverbs 31:16): Whether running a small business or managing finances, business skills are something anyone can learn. With research, education, and experience, anyone can improve in this area.

Compassion for the Poor (Proverbs 31:20): Compassion is a choice. Anyone can learn to be more generous and open-handed with resources, even when there’s not a lot to give.

Hospitality (Proverbs 31:15): Welcoming others into one’s home and life is something that can be developed. It doesn’t have to be perfect—it’s about opening the heart and making others feel valued.

Providing for Family (Proverbs 31:15): The Proverbs 31 woman understands the importance of ensuring her family is well taken care of. This isn’t just a “gift”—it’s a learned ability to manage resources, prioritize, and care for others.

Managing Time and Resources Effectively (Proverbs 31:27): Time management is a skill that can be improved upon. The Proverbs 31 woman shows the importance of being intentional with time and energy.

Speaking with Wisdom (Proverbs 31:26): Wisdom comes from experience, reflection, and learning. Anyone can grow in this area by seeking knowledge, surrounding oneself with wise people, and learning from God’s Word.

Why This Matters

The beauty of Proverbs 31 is that it shows the potential for growth. It’s easy to look at these qualities and feel discouraged, thinking they’re beyond reach. But here’s the truth: none of these qualities are beyond our reach. Whether they’re gifts or qualities that can be cultivated, they all require effort, discipline, and faith.

The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t someone to idolize as an unreachable standard. Instead, she’s an example of what can be achieved when we rely on God, work diligently, and continuously strive for growth in all areas of life.

She wasn’t born that way—she got there by a process of refinement, which is a work of the Holy Spirit. A woman who yearns to please God strives to be like this ideal example, understanding that every Christian is a work in progress, brought “to completion in the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).

You don’t need to have all these qualities today to start walking in the direction of them. Begin small—whether it’s being more intentional with your time, practicing generosity, or seeking wisdom in decisions. God’s grace is with us every step of the way.

Luna x